The Daryn Bieber Bottle Fund

Seasons Greetings,

You are probably viewing this blog to review the details of my newly established fund, the Daryn Bieber Bottle Fund (DBBF). DBBF was established on November 30 2010. Simply put, it all started with a dream. A dream to be somebody, a dream to keep up with the Jones, a dream to one day own a High Definition television and Playstation 3. Finding myself in dire circumstances (i.e. no disposable income) I decided that I would need to find other means to fulfill my dream. So I formed the DBBF. There are many of you I'm sure who may find this somewhat absurd, and even inconceivable. To them I extend and invitation, an invitation to come over and watch me play Call of Duty when I get my wicked awesome TV and PS3.

By now you may be wondering "Well heck, what can I donate!?" It's simple really. Cans, lots of cans. Also acceptable: bottles of any kind, big ones and even small ones. As well I accept and highly encourage milk containers. 

Reasons to contribute:

1. Global Warming is a serious issue these days, just ask Al Gore and David Suzuki. Rather than just sitting back and enjoying the warm weather, you can feel  good about yourself knowing that you helped save the world from becoming one gigantic global ocean. If you don't contribute, then I hope for your sake that you own a canoe, or can at least tread water for the remainder of your life.

2. You're likely giving away your bottles anyways. If you're a decent person, you recycle. If you're an even more decent person you'll give your unwanted bottles to me. What difference does it make if I recycle them for you or if City of Calgary recycles them for you.

3. Those contributing essentially become shareholders. Giving me your old unwanted bottles will in return give you shares. Meaning I will share my PS3 and TV with you on one specific evening determined by me. We'll order pizza, drink pop and play games, all in the comfort of my living room. It'll be great.

If you're wondering how to get me your unwanted bottles then you'll want to keep reading cause I'm going to tell you. I know it can be a pain walking your recycling out to the curb once a week and it's even more of a pain walking them all the way to my house. So to make it easy for you just give me a call or send me a text when you have a substantial pile of bottles and I will personally come and pick them up myself, it's as easy as pie. My cell number is 403-837-8948.

I commend you for reading this far, and I'm sure by now you're excited. Excited to contribute to a dream, a dream that with your help will become a reality. Just remember, you don't have to just drink pop to contribute. Drink containers of any kind, whether it's juice boxes, cream containers, or milk containers all play a key role in contributing to the DBBF.

I look forward to gaming with you.

Sincerely

Daryn Bieber

CEO and founder DBBF





PS - Yes, I'm serious.

The Alphabet. What the heck?

Well, to your surprise, and mine, I have decided to publish my second blog post, and to no surprise, it's about something simple minded and pointless, the alphabet.

Sitting at my cubical at work today I began my daily routine of looking up numbers in the business directory and then calling them up. As I looked through my trusty directory the letter 'K' jumped out at me like never before. "K?" I questioned, "Isn’t 'K' supposed to be near the end of the alphabet?" Upon realizing my stupidity, it dawned upon me that despite their similarity in appearance ‘K’ is not near the end of the alphabet, rather the letter 'X'. Feeling rather sheepish of my delusional mishap, and somewhat angered that our alphabet made me feel more incompetent than my 4 year old nephew, I began to wonder "Why is the alphabet arranged the way it is, and who decided the order thereof anyways?” Was it the Greeks? Was it King James? Does it even matter? To those I answer "No, no and yes it matters".

Why must the alphabet begin with 'ABC'? I'd highly doubt it was to make for a catchy Michael Jackson song. Why not 'GJN' or "XBL"? Heck the very keyboard that I type this pointless post is arranged "QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM" left to right, top row to bottom row, so why not that? Is it really that important that we have an organized form of our alphabet? Sure it makes for a catchy little jingle, but even then there is debate on how that jingle ends. Does it finish ending in "ZEE" like our neighbours to the south so pompously debate that it should? Or is "ZED" like the rest of the English speaking world pronounces it? Frankly this topic alone is worthy of its own blog post.

I propose that we who are human beings, men and women, male and female, abolish this nonsense of an arranged alphabet. I mean, do we as adults really need that catchy little jingle to help us remember our 'ABC’s? I think not.

In the beginning....

Hello and welcome to the blogging realm of Daryn Bieber. Yes a man with a blog.

I would not say that it was inspiration that inspired me to create a blog nor merely following the crowd. Nay none of these prompted this nonsensical idea to create a blog. It was simply shear boredom at work. And alas here I sit before you, at my lovely cubical, head set on my head, phone at my side, writing this masterpiece of a blog. (Okay, so I followed the crowd a bit...)

This isn't me

Upon establishing my first blog post I began to wonder what it is that I would be famous for in the blogging community. Would I be the blogger who rants on current events and political nonsense? Nay, for I am ignorant for things pertaining to events that are current and nonsense that is political. Would I be the blogger who posts delicious recipes for all of my friends in the blogging world to try? Nay, for I cannot cook and friends I have none. Would I be the blogger who posts pictures of their cute children and tells stories of how they ate their own poop? Nay, for I do not have children nor will I if I knew they would decide to eat their own poop. Would I be the blogger who simply posts random nonsense that no one really cares about but nonetheless still reads because they have nothing else better to do than to check Facebook every 15 minutes and read pointless blogs? Probably…But given my track record in journal writing and wall posting this very well could be my last blogging entry, for as it has been said of old, “The first shall be the last and the last shall be the first.”